Don't Bruise My Apples

  The other day I bought a bag of apples at the store. As the cashier placed them with "great force' into the grocery bag, I felt my eyes bug out of my head. Really. The thought crossed my mind, "Does she not know that apples bruise?" I quickly gained a smiling face once I realized I probably had a sour look upon me. I mean, it is just apples. Not the end of the world, Jade. 

 For some reason after we left, I started thinking about that situation again. I started thinking about my Christian family and how sometimes we do things to each other that causes bruises to one another. I try to tell myself that these things are not intentional. That they were just having a bad day or whatever. Sometimes, it may just be that they are going through something themselves.  Who knows. I know I have unintentionally hurt others when I had personal things going on in my life. I just didn't realize it was hurting anyone else.

 When I thought about all of this, I thought about how God must think when we "bruise" his children, our brothers and sisters. I know he is displeased. 

 Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. What a lie that is. Ask that couple that has left the church because of people bashing them. Ask that teenager that does not want to go to Bible class because of all of the kids whispering around them. Ask that woman that does not want to go to lunch with everyone else because "She" will be there. You know, the friend that talked about her behind her back. The one she trusted. 

 Some would say that these people just need a backbone. In some cases you are right. I say we need to stop "bruising" our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Then, they wouldn't have to have a stronger backbone. They would trust more, fellowship more and love one another more. Isn't that what Christians are to do anyway? 

 So the next time the thought crosses your mind to call up "Jane" and tell her everything you know, or you think you know, about 'Sally". Stop. Think. Is this going to benefit or "bruise' my sister in Christ that God has given me to love, respect and protect. 

 Souls are far more important than apples. 

GET REAL! 

 

 

 

The situation

 A few weeks ago, I learned of a situation that has really made me come to grips with some things.

 A friend of mine said something about me, that really just broke my heart.

 Of course my initial reaction was anger, which really just stemmed from being hurt.

 The more I have prayed about it, and the more I have studied about it, I have come to peace with it. Sure, we never want someone to talk behind our backs, especially our friends. As we all know, this unfortunately is going to happen.

 When it does, I have choices I can make. These are the three I chose to write about.

1) Be aggressive and "go after" her. ( Which would only hurt you in the long run.)

2)  Be passive aggressive and talk to EVERYONE else about it but her, bashing her name in the process.  Proverbs 17:9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.

3) Forgive.

 Now, I will say this. Being in a situation like this is very hard for me. These are my friends. These are people that I trust (as much as I can) and these are people that I love.  I hate when things like this happen. I question myself and the person that I am. (I think we all do.) I have to tell myself that I can not control her actions. Only mine.

 I also had to ask myself if what she said was true. To my knowledge it was not. It was an opinion. It did take me a long time to accept that. I do not like people having issues with who I am. As much as I know how imperfect I am, for some reason, I feel like there should not be anyone that sees me that way. Yeah, yeah. Get over yourself!

 For some reason, one little statement can cause us to question our whole self worth. Don't let that happen. If you do have a question of whether or not you are what they say you are, ask an honest friend about your personality. I have a friend I'm going to refer to as "Honest". If you do not want to know about the true YOU, do not ask her. Ha Ha.

 Some people would take offense to her honesty but, I have tried to use it to my advantage of bettering myself. For instance, I asked her once what my flaws were....... she gave me three answers. By the way, I have more than three flaws. She was just being nice!

 One of them was that I stay on my phone too much when I am in the company of others. Truth.  I stay on my phone too much when I'm by myself! (Which was something I always hated when the teenagers were at my house, I used to threaten to take them away, in fact I may have a time or two. Or three!)

 Anyway, I have tried to fix that. Still working on it.

 Point being, It is good to have those kinds of friends!

 Only if you can handle and accept truth! Do not take offense to her answer if you ask your "honest" friend that question though. I mean, you did ask. Use it to better yourself if it is something you feel like would make you a better friend, wife, mom, co-worker, person in general.

 Back to the situation: I'm over it. Done. Over. Gone. Moving On.

 I have been wanting to write about it since I learned of it. I realized my heart was not in the right place at the time to do so.  I know as Christians we struggle sometimes to 'let go" of things. I have learned that over time, holding hurt feelings in our hearts only hurts you. Most of the time, the other person isn't even thinking about you! For some reason, we always think they are. Nope.

 I hope reading this, you will realize that overcoming hurt feelings is a gift to yourself. I like gifts!  It unlocks a sense of freedom that only you hold the key to.

 So what if you were wronged, so what if they are "your friend" and it hurt you.

 Think about your relationship with your husband. Does he love you? Has he ever unintentionally hurt you? In my life the answer to those questions is yes. And, B is my best friend. He has hurt my feelings and it was unintentionally. I know that he loves me with all of his heart and that I am the best thing in his life EVER though! HAHA!

 You have to realize that every relationship will not be perfect and realize that you also have wronged others unintentionally.

 Moral of the story:
1) Forgive
2) Find an "honest" in your life
3) Better yourself
4) Give yourself this gift today

1 Peter 1:3 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly since love covers a multitude of sins.

Brag A Little. Brag A Lot.

                                                               6 inches!!!!!!

Okay,

   I know that it is rude to brag. My mom taught me better than that. Honestly, I think I need to
share this for the sake of myself today.

              I HAVE NOT WORKED OUT IN TWO WEEKS. 

So, needless to say, I have felt a little gross about myself.

My numbers on the scale have not changed. In fact I have lost according to them. ( I don't watch the number on the scale too much.) TOO DEPRESSING!!! I do try to watch how my clothes are fitting though.

I have complained to B for a few weeks that I need to go to my trusty Goodwill  to find me another belt because this one was getting annoying.

So,  I finally got him to just poke another hole in it for me.  I know that's jank. (btw, my comp. does't understand my slang, it changed this to "bank' four times! Made me laugh! HE HE!!)

When B brought my belt back to me, I realized that there was a pretty good gap between the hole he had  punched and where I started wearing the belt.

So, I marked it and then measured it. YES IT'S GOING IN MY SMASHBOOK. It was just what I needed to remind me that I have worked hard for this and even though I feel junky physically right now, I have a right to be proud of what I have accomplished.

If you are struggling with NO THYROID like me and half of your days on life are filled with pain in your body, and you get mad about that, and feel sorry for yourself, and you eat to try to make yourself feel better, and then you just find yourself in this mad miserable circle in life.........

Know that there is hope.

Stop with your abuse to yourself.

Eat for nutrition, not comfort.

Go outside. Get some fresh air. Take your camera if you need to for motivation. You will find some happiness outside those doors,  I promise. God made some beautiful scenery in this world. And, when I see it, I tell myself he did it just for me but in reality, he made it for you to enjoy too. Go do it!

Now, YAY ME!

I just had to brag a little. No, I had to brag a lot.

6 INCHES GONE from my waist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6 jean sizes later!!!!!!!!!



*** I had lost before I bought this belt, But, I don't know how many inches. I didn't measure :(
 I also had him poke two more holes in it before this one today. I wish I had wrote those dates down........

Forgive me for bragging. I do hope this helps some of you find strength in yourself today. I helped me to get my mind back in order with my own health.  Let's do this.



                                                 

Fibro Doesn't Stop For Pop Tarts

My week:

Monday:
 Wake up, not feeling so hot. Push through. Clean my room. No biggee. Like a normal person.

Tuesday:
  Wake up, still not up to par. Push through. Cook supper for the rest of the week and made Supper for a sick friend and her family. No biggee. Like a normal person.

Wednesday:
  Wake up, still a little yucky. Push through. Go eat lunch with my amazing friend. (Something that I had been trying to do for a week now and haven't because I have felt so bad.) No biggee. Like a normal person.

3:00 comes...... Not doing well.
4:00 comes...... Kase is asleep on the couch, sick. Me, I'm tired. No biggee. Like a normal person.
5:00 comes...... I'm "Exhausted". I go lay down.
6:00 comes...... I wake up from my alarm. Check on Kase. He is still asleep. Has fever. I go to bed.
7:00 comes...... I get up come back to check on Kase. Still asleep. I sit beside him and rub his sweet
                         little head. ( I know he is 16, I don't care)
8:00 comes...... I'm crying my eyes out. I'M "EXHAUSTED". I text B. Warn him. Warn him about 
                        what he is coming home to. Warn him that I'm the kind of "exhausted" that has put me    
                        in the hospital three times now. You see "exhausted" is our keyword."Exhausted"means
                        I'm in trouble. Something is going on with my body that I'm not real sure of. This could
                        be the result of a normal everyday common cold. It could mean that my thyroid levels
                        are out of this world. (they have been normal for a month now, they have NEVER been
                        normal. NEVER) So, who knows what is wrong.

                        I can't breathe. No, it hurts my body to breathe. My breaths get shorter and my energy
                        goes away with each one. Normally, this is a three to four day duration I go through. I          
                        don't go to the hospital anymore. They just want to run test that I don't have money for
                        and give me meds that I'm not going to take. (I have tried them ALL.) That is another
                        post, another day.

                        So, you are wondering if I'm in so much pain and I'm so "exhausted" that I can't
                        breathe, why am I  still up?

                 

Does that answer your question?
Fibro doesn't stop for Pop Tarts.
GET REAL.

imperfect me.

So here it is. 

Real Life ME. 

No make up. 

No enhancers. 

No filters. 

 I saw this card today while I was doing my amazing new Snapbooking and, I just started to ponder on those words. Real life. 

 In Facebook world I think we sometimes forget about real life. It's become a place to show off our new cars, how awesome our children are and how wonderful a mom we are. Well, I don't read too many post about getting up late on Sunday morning, screaming at the children, trying to get out the 

door. Everyone ill on the way to services. 

Then, BOOM. 

Pull up to the door and that smile goes on like its painted by "The Joker." 

 Well, you may be joking everyone around you, but your husband and children know what just happened. After services you get back into the car and everyone goes back in to unhappy mode. You've had that day. I've had many of them. 

 I sure didn't plaster that on my sweet little organized oh so cute Facebook page though. 

 Nope. I wouldn't want people to ever know that I had a bad day. That I was a "mean" Mom. That I made a MISTAKE. Forbid I tell the world that. 

 Well, dear Facebook world. 

I MAKE MISTAKES. 

Ask the Hubs.
Ask the kids.
Ask my Mom! (Yeah Mom went through a lot! I was a horrible kid.)Sorry Mom. Really, SORRY. 

 Let me stop and say this.  I'm so thankful to God that he made me realize how special I was and that I could be a better person than what I ever imagined possible. Not perfect, better. Believe me, my life was protected by Him many times. I'm very thankful for Christ's  love for me and him putting B in my life to help me see my life's worth. 

 Now, several years ago I realized that when I was more "real", it made people more comfortable with being who they are. They were more open to accepting Christ, because they felt that HE didn't need perfection from us. He needed repentance. Guess what, repentance sometimes takes time.

 When B came back to Christ, he had a "cussing notebook." He wrote down every time he said a cuss word. Everyday, that list got shorter and shorter until one day he didn't say any at all. Several people reminded him in this process that he had repented and they mocked and ridiculed him for it.

God knows a repentance heart. We don't. Do not kick a Christian when they are down. DO NOT. 

 We have this horrible, horrible misconception that we need to be "flawless" to be good Christians. You are only setting yourself up for failure it that is the case. You will always think you are not good enough. You will think you can't teach others about Christ because you are still trying to learn more about Him yourself. 

 Repeat after me. "I AM GOOD ENOUGH." 

 Repeat after me, "Others are going to judge me no matter what I do." 

Repeat after me, "Christ opinion of me matters. No body else's does." 

So, let's join in on this "real life" together and when you look at me,  don't pull out your little notebook to write down everything that is wrong about me. (I already know, but thanks!) Come get me, hold my hand, and help me get to that Promise Land that we are all striving for. 

 Because, if you know anything about me, you know that's how I feel about YOU.

GET REAL

  

It's The Devil In Me

 We all know that over the past few years I have had a sense of change in me. Some of you love it and some of you are scared by it. But, I felt at that point in my life I needed it the most. I started being HONEST. Not that I had been lying before, I just never talked about it with anyone. And, only a lucky (or unlucky) few really know EVERYTHING about me. It's just easier that way! 

 But, with my Fibro and my life crumbling before my eyes, I needed an outlet. That is when I started talking on Facebook and Blogging about my insecurities, my fears, my struggles and everything else people are scared to reveal about themselves. 

 As uncomfortable as it may make some of you, it helps me. I also think it helps others that are scared to reveal they are not perfect.

 I'M NOT PERFECT. 

I said it. It's no secret. I don't try to hide from it or coward behind it because then it just brings up more insecurities.

 I have a weakness that I need to reveal. When I take pain meds or anything like that, for some reason I do not react well to them. ( B will be glad to tell you the stories!) In fact I turn part devil. 

                                        

                                                        Yes I Get This Ugly! 

 I try my best to keep it under control. But, I'm an emotional disaster. I cry, A LOT. ( Ask Abby!) No reason really. Just, I do not know what else to do! My feelings get hurt easily and I get uncomfortable easy. 

 When I first got diagnosed with my Fibro, it was a nightmare.  And, this is when I need to stop and give a huge Kuddos to my husband. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. To say those words is an understatement. I ended up just being a recluse because it was so hard to deal with. I could not explain what was wrong with me, really because I didn't even know.  I lost friends because of it, my family members couldn't even understand it. I honestly just thought it was how I was going to spend the rest of my life. 

 They changed my meds it seemed every two weeks.  I went from being extremely tired and sleeping all of the time to staying up for two weeks straight. Yes, I was unpleasant. 

 It was not until I was hospitalized one time that B could even understand it. It is nothing short than God's beautiful work that the lady that worked the front desk started talking to B. Her daughter had Fibro also. With ALL of the doctors visits and ALL of the info we had read, he at that time began to see what I was going through was not only hard for him but also for me. She taught him so much about what was happening to me. 

 My life as I knew it was taken away. I went from being a full time worker, a babysitter in the afternoons, a Bible class teacher, a PTO mom, a boy scout leader, a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, to being in bed full time and unable to walk. Sure, some days were better than others and when they were I felt like Superwoman. I would go grocery shopping, walking for exercise, even washing my car. (What most people do everyday.) Then........ Reality would slap me in the face again and I'd pay for it in bed for two weeks. 

 During ALL of that the most pain that I suffered was from my fellow Christians. I know, that sentence is uncomfortable, but it's true. They would see me at the grocery store on Tuesday but, not at bible class on Wednesday. The reason was, I was hunched over like Quasimodo from doing too much. 

                                         

                                                                        Cute huh? NOT! 

 They made comments about me missing. Rude comments. When, in all honesty, I hated myself enough for not having the confidence in myself to go in public like that. 

* Please do not belittle someone for not being who you think they should be. They may not know how to be anything different at that time. *

 I decided after that year that I would take myself off of all my meds.  It was trying, but needed. I needed ME back. I still am affected everyday by my Fibro. Some days are still better than others. I try to control it by my eating and exercising. And, now I feel good most days. The move here has been a lot harder than I expected it to be physically. My flare ups have been more than normal in the past Year. But, I'm getting there, I think. 

 My immune system is the pits. And, a common cold can last six weeks. (That can make anyway a little ill.) But, I do my best. And, I promise you that anyone that has Fibro, MS, or any other type of illness like this is doing their best also. 

 One of the best thing that happened to me during all of this was becoming friends with ET. She has MS. I hate that she suffers through that. But, having someone understand you is the biggest step to accepting who you are. I could text her any day and say, "I'm ill, I'm upset, I'm worthless (meaning I can't get anything done) or I'm exhausted and she knew exactly what I meant. I didn't have to explain myself and I didn't have to worry that she would judge me. I didn't have to worry that I was getting on her nerves. She knew exactly what I meant.  Thank you Lord for giving me ET and thank you ET for loving me. The good, bad and ugly. (well you know I'm the good one) HEHE! She loves me! 

 Now the purpose for all of this was to let you know that normally........ I'm a doll! : )  

 I know I'm a good wife, a good mom, a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, just a good overall person. I know that because I'm wonderfully made in God's image. God made me to be what he wants me to be. I feel my flaws are given to me to slow down and to help others in need. Somebody has to do it, right? I enjoy helping others realize the good in themselves. We have too many negative things going for us. We need that positive reinforcement. God made us GOOD! Start believing it. Start living like it. 


 My life is amazing. I'm not rich, I'm not skinny, I'm not driving my dream car. But, I'm happy. I have a beautiful home . I adore my back porch. I love my morning runs. My hydrangeas bloom everyday just to make me happy. It's a fact!!!!! My husband is the best thing since sliced bread.(And, I love bread!) My children are amazing. My friends are the best. My life is perfect. 

                         

                                                                       Precious, Right? 


 Give yourself a break on those bad days. They aren't that often. You will make mistakes. You will make your family mad. You will disappoint your friends. You will be rude to the lady at the cash register when you are ill. It is going to happen. Apologize. Beg for forgiveness if need be. Buy that cash register lady a bouquet of flowers the next time you go in and assure her that you are a pleasant person most of the time. Eventually she will believe you!!!!!!!!!!!  Well, hopefully! But, you know what the truth is. A few bad days does not make a bad life. 

 So forgive me.

  Forgive me when I'm not myself. Forgive me when I say I can't do something, when you think I should. (I know my limits.) Forgive me when I'm not smiling, I'm doing the best I can. Forgive me when I'm in pain. 

 I try my best to live life to the fullest but some days I'm just not myself.  It's the Devil in me! 

 Forgive me. And Forgive others! 

  P.S. Give a hug today! 

What's a girl to do?

 I've been battling an illness going on two weeks now. I know I've told you before, but when I get a sinus infection or a cold, it just takes me longer than the average Joe to get over it. Well, the infection moved into my jaw. It's not cute! And, it hurts! Soooooo, this morning I get up and it's more illness.

My "TO DO" lists is shot.

 I look over it again and pick out the essentials :

 1) Wash the soccer socks that I so carefully asked my children to put ALL of their uniforms together when we got to Atlanta. One pair of socks caused a mental breakdown in the la mansion Britton this morning. Whew.  ( DONE!)

2) Study to show thyself approved. (DONE!) 

Equipped with my Bible, my prayer book, my journal and my favorite bible class book, I got this covered. Isn't my journal SUPER CUTE?! Kase bought it for me. I love it.

3) Go to post office to mail taxes.......... I'll get there. 

                                                        4) Write a letter.

This is a lost art I refuse to give up. 

5) Make myself feel better! 

Who could not get better after having tea in this cute thing? It's a gift from Emily, Olivia and Abby. Makes my day just looking at it! I love it and those girls! 

Well, that completes my TO DO list today. Everything else I had on there will have to be moved to 

tomorrow. Hopefully by tonight I will feel like going to the soccer game. I will be there even if  I don't feel like it! It's what I do. 

MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR DAY! 

A Little Piece Of My Heart

   
 There are many people in life that are obsessed with cars. They look for them to purchase, they work on them, they talk about them, they dream about them! Their life revolves around cars. I'm just not one of those people. I've never placed emphasis on a vehicle. I mean, come on, I drive a Mom van. Ewwwww!!!!!!

 But, it's paid for and when I got it, I needed room for seven people in a vehicle. It was the most amazing car ever in my eyes. It was perfect. Everything automatic, clean, new smelling and all the bells and whistles. I thought it was something!

 Well, my first car was nothing like that.. It wasn't expensive. It wasn't luxury. In fact it was considered Antique! It had that old car smell and dust still in it from the 60's I know! You had to manually roll down the windows. I even ran out of gas a few times before I realized that the gauge was broken. It was a 1965 Volkswagon Beetle, or better known as the Bug!

  It was my DREAM car. It was electric blue. (I wanted to paint it purple, but somebody wouldn't let me!) You could hear me coming from a mile away. I blared Janice Joplin, Lenny Kravitz and Tori Amos from the speakers constantly, while screaming every word from the top of my lungs. I carried all of my friends everywhere they wanted to go. It was awesome!

I loved that car.

It was me.

It fit my personality.
Even the horn had a little sass in it!

 When my Dad sold it, a little piece of my heart went with it.  One of my best friend's would now be the owner of my car. I was devastated. Still am.

Even today,  I do not want a Denali. I do not want a Lamborghini. All I want is a BUG!

My style of music has changed, and my color preferance is no longer purple. But, it is and will always be my dream car. I do want an upgrade to a comvertible... Selfish, I know!

 I want the wind in my hair. I want you to hear me coming from a mile away because of my amazing singing!  I want to drive to Seaside with my flip flops and shades on. I want take another little piece of my heart with it. I want to make new memories.

 It will happen one day and I want you by my side all along the way!

She is more than Beautiful

How many times do you tell her she is Beautiful? 

 This is something that I have struggled with for many years. Even though I know B loves me with every ounce of  love he has in  his heart, I still get embarrassed when he tells me, "You are beautiful."

 This week I was talking to a dear friend of mine. We were discussing the word "Beautiful." I tell her many times how great of a friend she is, how she makes me a stronger person, and how beautiful she is. When I say that she is beautiful I noticed that there was never a response. In fact, she always changed the subject. This began to become a challenge for me. I thought she did not have enough confidence in herself. I thought she was just like me. Little did I know, that was far from the truth.

This is her response to me asking the question, "Why can you not accept it when someone tells you that you are beautiful?" :

 " I know that when you say that I'm beautiful, that you really mean it and you're not talking about just physical. I really do appreciate that. I'm just not really comfortable with the word because I hate that so many girls put all of their effort into it and base their worth/status on being "beautiful". It's such a trivial thing, especially because we have no control over how God made us. That word and "pretty" have always, sort of, left a bad taste in my mouth. I do not want my worth to be defined by how I look. I'm more than that. I've put effort into being more than that." 

 WOW! 

 My next statement to her was nothing but an apology. An " I'm sorry for not understanding." Of course then I started to question myself. "Why do I even question my beauty?" " Did my God not make me with the beauty that he desired me to have?" Gen. 1:27 . Sure, I have corrupted it with MY acts of over eating and lack of exercise. But, he made me what I ought to be.

 Little did I know that I was going to learn a valuable lesson about myself. All of these years of not liking my outer beauty was lacking the trust I had in my Father. I am blessed with a husband that has loved me no matter what my jean size was. I am beautiful. I'm beautiful because I am me. I am me because I fear God. I trust that he made me how I ought to be.

 I also have worked hard at being "more". I work everyday to be more Christ like, more of a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend.

I hope that when you read this you will also strive to be more

Be the YOU that God made! And, LOVE it.